Toad Hollow

2013 Pinot Noir Russian River Valley

Is there anything more sophisticated than a toad in a lapeled waistcoat, cane in hand, eyeing the color of his Sonoma Vitis vinifera? Yes there is. Lots of things, but that didn’t stop me from buying this bottle of Toad Hollow Pinot noir.

At first glance, the label appears laughably hoity-toity, but this amphibian is more Dionysian than snooty Mother Goose. Just look at him. This toad is full-bodied. He’s rocking a serious booze gut. He’s your cool great-uncle who smoked opium with Alan Ginsberg and had a three-way with the Lee and Jackson. His OG waspy confidence is off the charts.

The label is earthy, but this toad didn’t hop out of some rotted log. He lives in a zip code way out of your tax bracket. He’s got a crib in Back Bay Boston and a summer compound on Cape Cod. This label makes me want to buy a vintage Wagoneer, fill it with Toad Hollow, and drop out of society, circling the Rosa rugosa coastline of Nantucket until global warming washes the island’s sand into the Atlantic.

That said, this label lacks place. It’s mixing motifs. Its characteristics are not unique to the origins of its grapes. Nor Cal Pinot noir meets New England blue blood? Maybe in the next ice age. The graphic artist is manipulating too much aesthetic here, which is why I have to underscore it. The label needs something more indigenous to Nor Cal. Maybe a surfing mountain lion with some Hewlett Packard font. Better yet, a handle bar-mustached hipster wearing a vintage waistcoat. Or maybe just slap an Apple logo on the bottle. 88 points.

– EV

Trader Joe’s / $12.99